Reminiscing the greatest man in my life — My Grandfather

New Year’s Day will forever bring about pain in some measure because of my incalculable loss this time last year.

For most, 2020 started to take a downturn from about March when the world went into “lockdown”. But for me, the gloom of the year started just hours before 2020. My grandfather was not keeping good health for many years and I was doing everything I could to get him back to good health, taking multiple trips to my home in India on the other side of the planet. But the dreaded day finally came and we received the call from my mother on January 1, 2020. I saw helplessly on the camera in his room as he took his last breath.

Here was the man who meant the world to me, who left us forever and I could not cry. I felt the jarring emotional pain but the tears would just not come. Many things, even more than usual, were running through my mind. It was only because of the calming presence of my wife that I could at least function to some extent. We were at a friend’s place in Atlanta and had to immediately head back to Houston to make the long flight home the next day. As we drove and I kept reminiscing how much I would miss him and how I was not there for him at the end, I finally started to break down. It was the first time my 9-year-old kid saw me cry or even show any sign of weakness.

When my brother and I saw him it was devastating. I finally started to shed tears that would not stop. We lost our dad in 1992, my maternal grandfather a few years later, and both grandmothers about a decade later. Those losses were, needless to say, very hard. But this was much more devastating.

Here was the man who we idolize to this day for every aspect of his life. He imparted to us all the principles we live by. He was selfless in every sense. Taught us to always give to others and see the joy in that. He was our guiding light for all of our adult lives and for most of our formative years. After his son passed away prematurely he came back out of retirement and made it his life’s goal to make sure his grandsons and daughter-in-law never had to struggle. To see him lying there lifeless was beyond excruciating.

I held his hand. That hand which always protected us not holding on in response was hard to accept even though the reality was right in front of me. Whenever I took his hands in mine, he would hold on as long as he could. When he needed rest I would massage his temples as he fell asleep looking at me. I tried those, hoping he would open his eyes. Nothing.

There were times when doctors recommended we let him go. I held on stubbornly and he always made it back. Not this time. I lost him forever.

Born into a very poor family in rural Andhra Pradesh, he overcame every challenge life threw at him to get a good education. Able to afford to eat only once or twice a day, teaching students in classes above him to be able to pay his school fees and reading one book shared between a group of friends who took turns to read it (they had limited time with the one book which was a borrowed one), were just some of the kind of hurdles he overcame. He achieved a doctorate degree in Chemistry. Having come from nothing, he valued everything life had to offer.

Along with his closest friends, he took a vow to marry only widows as their contribution to fight a social evil at that time which prevented widows from marrying again. He started his career as a professor and imparted the education he valued so much. I’ve met a few of his former students over the years and all of them are in high positions in society, all of them with kind words about how well he taught them.

In a pre Wikipedia world, he was our human encyclopedia. Every day we learned something new. Born before independence in India, he had immense life experiences and knowledge to share.

After a small stint in a photographic film company, he went on to set up a chemical factory providing comfortable livelihoods for all those who worked for him. He even helped out his siblings expecting absolutely nothing in return. He was so principled that when he had retire & shut down the company, he paid out lump sum amounts to every single employee to ease their transition.

Life gave him the biggest blow when we lost my dad in 1992. I vividly remember our family at the hospital describing how my dad’s final moments were spent. My grandfather held my dad in his hands while my dad pleaded that he wanted to live. I cannot even imagine the kind of hurt that can cause a father. He came out of that sorrow and focused on taking care of us.

Right from the beginning, he made it a point to teach us about being industrious and being conscious of time management. Every single day of his life that I’ve seen him, he woke up and went to bed early. He always looked to make life easier for the rest of us — ironing our school uniforms, getting our washed sports shoes ready for school, black shoes cleaned and polished, new notebooks covered, books sorted and packed for school everyday, homework and assignments checked, among many other things. He took so much care of us that until we grew up, we never ate oranges as is. He patiently and laboriously peeled each and every section of an orange to give us only the fiber within.

We were showered with love every moment we spent with him. I have countless memories with him but not having him with me will be something I will deeply miss the rest of my life. It was a privilege to be able to attend to him when he needed me later in life. I hope to make him proud, wherever he is in the afterlife.

I have his glasses with me. A reminder that he’ll always be watching over us. A reminder to work and live by the morals he taught us.

I will always miss my Thatha.